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Appreciate your partner for who they are

13 June 2008

A great way to show our love and appreciation of our partners is to show appreciation not just for the things they do (like bringing you that all important coffee in the morning) but also for the things they are.

Be specific. If you love the look of concentration on his face when he's shaving in the morning, tell him about that. Do you find the way she sticks out her tongue when she's concentrating endearing? Tell her!

Generic compliments like "you're beautiful" or "you're funny" are always welcome but they don't have the same impact as appreciation for our particular traits. There are millions of beautiful women in the world but only she holds her head like that when she's looking at you, millions of men, but only he can cheer you up with that goofy look.

Does he have fantastic hair? Perfect legs? Is she a genius at Sodoku? Tell her!

Does he have the deepest blue eyes? The most comforting embrace? Cute buns? Tell him!

Remember, appreciation works best and goes straight to our hearts when we connect with it, when we know it's true. Fake compliments and flattery is attention but it's empty attention. When you appreciate your partner for who they really are you're demonstrating that you are paying real attention to them, concentrating on them, noticing them.

Try making a list of things that are unique and special about your partner. You don't have to read it back to them, though it might make great material for that love letter you were planning to write. Just the act of thinking of them in this way will make you feel closer to them and that appreciation will find it's way out.


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