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How to buy lingerie for your wife or girlfriend

If you are like most men you have bought lingerie for your wife or girlfriend that was worn once, or not at all and ended up in the bottom of her intimates drawer. This guide will help you buy her lingerie that she will actually wear.

Step 1 - Know WHY you are buying.

Before you rush out and buy that silk negligee with matching thong for your wife or girlfriend first ask yourself WHY you are buying it. Is this a purchase to please her or, ultimately, to please you? Lingerie makers like Aubade and Agent Provocateur are very good at selling the fantasy of lingerie and it's easy to buy into it. We think, "If only she would wear these low-rise boyshorts and this maximum cleavage bra her passion would be sparked into overdrive and life would be different."

Tip : It's easy to get it backwards. Get her passion sparked into life first, then persuading her to wear that outfit will be so much easier.

Men's experience of buying lingerie is all mixed up with our hopes, fears and fantasies. No wonder many men feel out of place in lingerie stores. In contrast women buy lingerie for specific purposes : comfortable wear for everyday, fancy lingerie for occasions and maybe, if they are confident, a collection of things they keep only for the boudoir.

Men tend to buy for the bedroom end of the knicker-drawer and the kind of things they buy make it very clear what is on their mind. How these gifts are received depends on the stage and state of the relationship. In the early stages of excitement and adventure she might be intrigued and excited by that bustier but later in the relationship might view a similar gift as demanding or demeaning. As her mood changes through the relationship those expensive scraps of silk and lace could find themselves relegated to the deepest darkest corners of her lingerie drawer.

Step 2 - Get to know her lingerie drawer

So how do you buy her lingerie that she will wear?

First, get to know her lingerie drawer. This may require some rummaging while she's out. She won't mind so long as you don't pry into the corners. What makes does she wear? What sizes? What styles does she prefer? It's well known that many women wear the wrong bra-size but since it's unlikely that you're going to be able to convince her to go to be properly measured, watch what she wears, looks good in and finds comfortable.

Step 3 - Buy Basics First

Become her trusted intimates adviser. Many men "outsource" their underwear buying to their wives and girlfriends but never consider that they could take on the role as purchaser-in-chief of their partners intimates.

Every woman has a collection of bra's and panties that they keep for everyday wear. Over time these favorites become washed-out and in need of replacement. So replace them! Check the make, style and size of the underwear she favors and buy her some new lingerie to match her old. Don't get creative, buy the same brand, color, style and size that she already wears. Doing this helps you both in a few important ways : First she will recognize that you're taking an interest in her appearance, second it will help break the idea that your lingerie purchases are about your needs not hers and third it gives you some much needed practice in buying lingerie, even if it is lingerie that doesn't make your heart race.

Step 4 - Make sure she's beautiful

OK. So now she's wearing the lingerie that you buy but it's boring lingerie! How do you get her to wear something more exciting?

First, if you've gained her trust by purchasing "safe" lingerie, don't betray it by going straight for something she considers risque. Remember the goal is to get her to feel fantastic in lingerie that also looks fantastic. Don't push her too far or too fast. Try different styles and colors that you think will suit her in the brands and sizes she already wears. If she knows she looks good in it she will feel good in it. Beyond the factors of simple comfort, how she feels in anything will largely be up to you. If she looks great in something, tell her! Not just when she's trying it on but when she's wearing it in everyday situations. Don't buy styles that she isn't comfortable with or that she considers demeaning, but be prepared for her comfort zone to change over time.

Lingerie Do's and Don'ts

  • Lingerie is an intimate gift, don't buy for someone before she's invited you to see the rest of her lingerie collection!
  • Do start out buying styles and brands that she already wears.
  • Don't try to introduce styles too far from what she is already wearing too soon.
  • Do know her sizes in the brands she wears.


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