8 Steps to more romance
Want to be more romantic but just don't know how to start? Here are 8 basic steps to get you started on the road to greater intimacy and romance.
Becoming an AutomaticRomantic requires you to develop some new habits which will take time, intimacy grows one day at a time, but there are some simple things you can start to do right now that will put you on the right path.
1. Set up Reminders for all your important dates.
One of the most basic mistakes men make is not keeping track of the important dates in their relationship. Every year millions of men forget their wedding anniversaries and are forced to make a humiliating last-minute run to the all-night grocery store to buy a card and whatever flowers they can get at 11:30 the night before when their wives, sensing another day of dissapointment, casually drop "You know it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow don't you? " into the conversation.
Don't let it happen to you (again).
The solution is simple. Get the key dates in your relationship onto your calendar! What are they? Here's a partial list to get you started :
- Wedding Anniversary
- Anniversary of the day you met or first date
- Anniversary of the day you proposed
- Mothering Sunday
- Valentines Day
- Sweetest Day
Not everyone celebrates all those dates. Often the anniversary of your first date is important for the first couple of years but fades once you are married. The important thing is that you capture all the dates that you are expected to celebrate.
Tip : Go Automatic. Our anniversary reminder feature gives you a warning 3 weeks in advance of your big dates - time enough to get prepared for them. Set them once and get a reminder every year. You can also use software like Microsoft Outlook to set recurring reminders.
2. Be prepared
Keep a secret stash of romance-related materials :
- Suitable wrapping paper for gifts, ribbons etc.
- Paper, decent pen for love notes.
- Magic markers for writing love notes on your partners mirror.
- Post-it notes for quick notes.
- Small token gifts (e.g candy)
Tip : Buy cards in advance. It's easy to make one trip to the card store and buy for all the occasions for the year. You can also visit Hallmark.com to buy cards for any time of year and have them shipped direct to you. Cut the stress, be prepared.
3. Invest in her
There are two types of investment you can make in your partner : Time and Money. Of the two, she would much rather have your time and attention. Invest your time into the relationship first. Money can get you a lot of things but it can't get you true intimacy.
But you work, so lavish some of that hard-earned cash on her too. It doesn't matter if she has her own money or earns more than you, she doesn't want tokens of love and appreciation from herself!
Tip: Try this exercise, add up all the cash you spent in the last year on small gifts and tokens of appreciation for your partner. Now compare that to what you earned in the same period. What was your "love spend" as a percentage of your earnings? If the number you come up with is at least 1% good for you and if not, there's room to improve.
Investing even 1% of your earnings in your partners happiness will pay rich rewards but don't over-compensate and spend this put-aside money in one big purchase. The idea is to spend it on love-tokens (candy, flowers, things she collects) not on big-ticket items. It really is the thought that counts. Yeah, an extra 1% in your 401k will make you a little happier in retirement but why defer all the pleasure until you're too old?
4. Work on your friendship
Make your partner your best friend. In general men have friendships based on shared activities - golfing, fishing, racing cars, poker etc. Often the woman in their lives doesn't share that activity. If you want to build a deep bond of intimacy with your partner you will have to work on making a deep friendship with her. Find an activity to share together. Don't focus on bedroom activities; If you want the benefits of deeper intimacy in the bedroom you have to work on it outside the bedroom. Make her your confidant.
5. Pick a chore
It's the 21st century but the majority of domestic work still falls to women. So make a start on evening things up a little - pick a chore that would normally fall to her and take care of it, faithfully, without having to be asked. Extra points if it's something she hates doing (folding laundry, sorting socks, cleaning the bathroom.) You're sending her a message that you're in this life together.
6. Don't be strangers
"We became strangers" is heard commonly from couples who break up. Don't let this happen to you. Keep the same hours as your partner - get up around the same time and go to bed at the same time. Eat your meals together. If you have a large house, live in the same part of it as your partner. Always say goodbyes and hello's - don't slip in and out of the house unnoticed. If your work schedules keep you apart leave notes for each other and put even more effort into pinging...
7. Ping her
For most of us 8-10 hours of our days are spent away from our partners. That separation makes it hard to maintain a feeling of closeness. So how do you maintain the contact? By "pinging". Like a ship looking for a submarine we bounce tiny signals off our partner to maintain contact. A ping could be a short text message to her 'phone "Thinking of U", a short call "Can't talk long, running between meetings but thinking of you. Can I pick you up something for dinner?" or an email. A ping tells your partner that you thought of her and they are also a great opportunity for flirting, "Hey gorgeous, how's your day?", "You were fantastic last night". Don't go crazy with it, start with one ping a day and find the right level for your partner.
Tip : Most cell-phone providers have a "send a text message" web page you can use to send a message if you struggle with entering messages into your cell phone.
8. Mix it up
So you're keeping some money aside to buy tokens of love and appreciation for your partner. Every Friday you bring your partner roses. The roses are beautiful but it's not romantic, it's routine. Mix it up! No flowers for a month then drag in a huge bouquet, instead of a half-dozen bring her a single stem and a note, bring her a rose every day for two weeks. It's not the money you spend, it's the thought that's important. If you need some romantic tips, we have plenty.
Tip : Use our random-reminder feature to keep things interesting.
Ready to Get started on your new Romantic Life?